Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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