Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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