Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you made out with another girl for some wings
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
