she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize