i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
