this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
