I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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