Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
