Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
