quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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