very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
