Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
