toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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