my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
