Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
