He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
