I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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