I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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