I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
