she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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