I just saw a hot homeless man
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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