whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
