i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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