I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
if only i could text you this smell
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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