I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Less talking, more tequila
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
