Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
