I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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