i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
