Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
