Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's the barista slut.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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