Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
