omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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