mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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