whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
her vagine was all disorganized.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
