You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
