His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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