go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
