I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
