your thong is hanging out like whoa
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
