Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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