Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
