GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
