they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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