So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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