don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
