I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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