It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
