um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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