a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
