it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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