Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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