Best friends brother. Beat that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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