I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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