Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
