oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
