I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
