I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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