hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
