I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize