My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
