and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
