Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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