I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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