I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
