I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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