Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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