I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
