another moral hangover. fuck.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
