i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
