jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
