God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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