eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A+ Viking dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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