Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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