I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
